Experiential Faith,  My Testimony

I’ve been under heavy stress of late with my wife in the hospital and I am finding it hard to give God the time I have been use to spending with him. I have always said, put God first and you will have time to do whatever you have to do. The problem I am encountering is that this theory doesn’t always work when the trial is overpowering your faith to trust In God. Right now my focus is on the problem rather than exercising my faith.

The trial I am having is the up and down communications coming from the medical profession. One day the news is up lifting and the next day the news buries you in the miry clay up to the neck. It is a change of pace when you spend the normal uplifting time with the Lord and the next time begging him for his loving kindness to strengthen your wife.

It has been said you don’t know what you have until it is taken from you. My wife’s hospital’s stay has affected me by straining my relationship with God and my wife in the attempt to improve both. What is harder is to see my wife make poor decisions when the fear of death is present and the medications appear to be affecting her thinking.

The time I spend with my wife is affecting my health as well and my doctor prescribed something to calm me down during the day and something to help me sleep at night. Now something new has happened – both my car and my wife’s car have broken down, my car is not worth repairing and her car is going to use up our cash reserves to repair.  My priority is to see my wife as much as possible so the car gets fixed for the hundred mile trek each day.

Of late the lord has been with me uplifting me with friends and relatives who are supporting me. The best thing is I have been experiencing is waking up singing in my heart “Isn’t He wonderful” and “Love lifted me.” These songs have encouraged me greatly because it tells me that the Lord understands the trials I am experiencing and is doing something special to remind me that his love is what I need the most. 

It’s uplifting to know the lord still loves me when I feel I am putting him on the back burner. The “if” word is not being heard from God but doctors use the term “if, could and may” in the negative way too often and those words affect your faith when their advice and decisions has a stifling grip that is choking my faith.

 The doctor’s influence is undeterred because of his knowledge and experience with science that sadly lacks any knowledge about the Lord and leaves God out of the picture. Even though they accept the idea that a person’s faith works miracles their experience with other patients tells them you’re hoping for the impossible.

However their experience seems to crush your faith as they keep pushing the “if, could and may” terms at you - with serious consequences, some of which come true. My faith says that my wife is in God’s hands when the doctor appears to be controlling my wife’s health through science. I have to wonder, is God controlling the doctors thoughts or overruling his decisions?

At one time in her recovery she was given the choice of palliative care which meant she would have been kept comfortable until she passed. Today she is heading to a rehab center and is expected to be sent home in a couple of weeks. What an amazing transformation and I can freely give God the glory for healing her. Now I have the time to show her my love and concern for her welfare.

I have also given some thought as to why I learned more about my relationship with God and my wife during this trial. I’ve learned that I have taken my relationship with God and my wife for granted. I will always have a relationship with God but my wife will pass away being severed by death. On the other hand, God has given me time to strengthen our relationship.

The bible says “all things have become new” and it’s true as she will have additional medical equipment to maintain her health in our home and a new set of meds to take at set times. The staff at the rehab center is supposed to train her and myself how to use this equipment and to know when to take her back for further treatment. Guess what; I still didn't know what to do.

My wife believes doctors are a last resort and has the belief she will get better in time without the help of doctors. By the same token Christians on the whole try to deal with the physical problem first and then resort into trusting the Lord.  The natural came first then the spiritual -1 Corinthians 15:46.

What is amazing is the change in the doctor’s attitude when they see a patient whom they thought was terminal, recover and leave the hospital on their feet. At one time she was supposed to die but now her condition has turned around and she has a strong desire to go home so much that she litterly is trying to force her body to recover to prove that she is able to go home. The doctor loves the Idea but can’t see God at work in the transformation. My faith says God is very much involved for I know people across the country is praying for her recovery.

At one time in her recovery she was not sick enough to stay in the hospital but too sick go home. The insurance company chose to transfer her across the state where they were able to take care of vented patients. So much for patient’s rights and the right to choose your doctor.  I went to the place they planned to send her and the place looked like a fire trap so I investigated further. This place was rated below medical standard, from what I understood, I was against the move. What a dilemma, Medicare and the medical field weren’t giving me a choice, she had to go there. But that is what they thought, I chose to get on my knees and ask for divine help.

Prayer works. My wife still has a long road to walk ahead of her but today was the first day she has been out of a hospital room on her two feet to look outside without looking through windows. She passed with flying colors and made her eligible to be sent to a rehabilitation center across town. Something I wanted since I heard about this rehab.

Well she has gone to rehab and went through the disciplines of normal life with ease. Not everything went as she wanted but she is my closest friend that has stood by me through thick and thin over the last 47 years. She is happy to be out of the confines of hospital life.

However the trial is not over as I and my wife are facing the new condition of meeting her medical needs. You will never know how much waste your lungs produce until the humidication system God created is altered. The trach is inserted below a natural humidifying chamber found between the nose and the lungs. As a result my wife is struggling to reproduce the humidification that was once normal. 

Worse yet is that neither one of us knows what we are doing and resulted in calling the fire squad and going to the emergency room several times. However that was not the right thing to do in our case because of the horror stories told about our local emergency room. Wouldn’t you know it our experiences with them confirmed those stories. We resorted to going to an emergency room sixty frantic miles away.

I have a struggle with the medical profession of accepting medical advice from a person whom I have never met before.  Is their advice worth its salt when we are talking about life and death for someone you love?  The point of this trial is do I put my trust in God or with someone whom I met for the first time?

However things have changed, my wife got an infection around the trach and she went to an pulmonologist who is worth his salt. He downsized her trach and prescribed an antibiotic to take care of the infection. In his postoperative counseling he wanted to see her in four weeks to either downsize the trach or take out the trach altogether.  

 When it comes down to the bare facts; I know prayer is being answered. Today my wife is at home and I am spending time with her caring for her needs. Her physical needs seemed to be taken care of but it makes you wonder what if God had not answered prayer. The answer to our prayers is obvious to some more than others. From those who know the Lord; God is still in control and deserves the glory.   November 14, 2015

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